Kryptonite

I bite my nails. I can’t remember when I started but it has always been something i’ve done. A couple years ago I made a huge push to stop. You know that verse in 1 Corinthians that says to not be mastered by anything? Well I was totally and still am at times mastered by this. I have made every stride to stop but sometimes a nail will break after I’ve spent months getting them done, and painting them. Even after I’ve done EVERYTHING to make sure they maintain their awesomeness one will still break. I find when one breaks, another soon will follow and then I just get fed up and bite them all off. I mean if one is gonna look horrible then they all should, right? But this past week when my thumb nail broke I instantly remembered, “I am not mastered by this. I am mastered by Christ and by the Holy Spirit. It’s even in the little things that God guides you…don’t give in…” I didn’t have the best day yesterday. It kind of sucked to be honest. If I had a time-machine I probably would have started yesterday over a million times over! It was like one thing went wrong and the snow ball of other things followed. I find it’s the little things that bring me the most anxiety. My emotions took control and as I laid in bed last night I thought, “today was like my nails…Instead of me pulling it together after the first issue I bit everything else off!” Honest Moment: I struggle to walk out the life intended for me. The life where I am mastered by Christ in everything — My words, my heart and my mind. It’s frustrating because sometimes I feel like I should have aced this already, ya know? But alas it is my kryptonite… This has been a gut check for me to 1. Get in the word MORE 2. Spend MORE time in prayer & 3. CONSUME myself with the things that are good and right and true. Thank you Lord for the reminder that I need you more, and that a complacent heart is susceptible to hostile take overs. Chari]]>

Epic Fail

FHA chapel services, and before speaking I did my usual — I went to starbucks to drink my grande latte in a “real” cup and go over my message notes.  Just as I sat drinking my coffee trying to formulate my message I smelled a scent that burned my nose hairs!! Just so you know I don’t do well with odors of any kind and I tend to over exaggerate the situations as well. Before I knew it an older man sat at the table next to me. He looked like he’d been growing his beard since 1973 and by the smell of it he’d been wearing that outfit to. I had this crazy internal dialogue in my head that sounded kind of like this… “OMG I can’t breathe…I am gonna throw up!!” “Seriously, I am going to have to leave now!!” “You can’t leave! How unchristian like of you! “You are gonna leave cause he is smelly!??? You are a horrible person!” “I am not done with my coffee, OMGOSH my coffee. I can’t drink it now!! Do I get a paper cup, or do I throw it out?” “Will I look mean if I leave? I am totally leaving” Now picture me with my scarf held up to my nose while I am having this conversation with myself! And yes, he by this point has totally noticed my mental break down due to his epic smell. I know, I am embarrassed even as I write this out. I am a horrible person, I already know. No need to judge me, I am judging myself. Well you might of guessed it already, but I asked for a paper cup, poured my coffee into it and totally walked out of Starbucks. But to my surprise the homeless man was gone already, and now walking around the parking lot! I was like,  “great, this is it, he saw me and will probably say something to me, or worse rob me!” Yes, I had this WACKED out scenario in my head! As I practically jogged to my car I noticed he was also walking towards my car! I then fumbled to get my keys out and before I could leap into the safety of my car he smiled at me and got into the BRAND NEW ACURA parked next to me …. I’ll let that sink in… I sat in my car in shock and feeling like a total idiot (*this is stuff that only happens to me). It was in that moment I felt the Holy Spirit once again remind me that my perception of my life and the things that I am currently encountering was totally wrong.  Let’s not forget that I totally acted like a five year old, and I allowed something that caused me physical discomfort to shape my reaction to my moment. I began to think of how I have allowed the fact I’d been tired all week to determine the tone in which I responded to my husband. I allowed my attitude to shift into Diva because the A/C in my office wasn’t at 68. It was like a movie in my head of the last month, of the last week, and then of that moment. I sat with tears in my eyes and said, “I hear you Lord… loud and clear. I’ve been walking in the flesh and not in the spirit. The temporal has guided me and not the eternal, I promise to make a heart shift.”

 So I say, live by the Holy Spirit’s power. Then you will not do what your sinful nature wants you to do. – Galatians 5:16
#TrueStory Chari]]>